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The Line King: Thankful for tattoos, road dogs and rivalry week

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This column is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only.

(RNN) - Well, it's that time of year again - the obligatory "I'm Thankful for" piece every so-called "journalist" is required to submit to their editor.

TLK is no different.

1. TLK is thankful for the opportunity to write a weekly column for his editor and good old buddy Skeeter Brown - TLK would be even more thankful if Skeeter paid him.

2. TLK is thankful for investing in a tattoo ink factory a while back - at the time it seemed like a crazy idea. Back in the day, only pirates and convicts in French Guiana had tattoos. Today, my granddaughter asked Santa for a gift card to Tattoo Emporium.

Next investment? Miracle tattoo removal cream for when all of these young people turn old and flabby.

3. TLK is thankful for another BCS mess brewing. What if ... Barn beats Bammer and then loses to Mizzou in the $EC championship game; a Tallahassee state attorney files charges; Michigan State beats Ohio State (in the Big 10 Championship game) and SoCar stomps Clemson?

Would we get an OkState-Mizzou national championship game - something TLK would watch?

Nah, the $EC media lap dogs would probably demand a Barn-Bammer rematch. Meanwhile, 24 teams in FCS start their playoff this weekend and it seems to work just fine for them.

4. TLK is thankful for an endless parade of bowl games filled with marginally talented 6-6 teams. Nothing is more satisfying than watching two teams trying to avoid the 6-7 record of shame, battling it out on Christmas Eve in some worn-out, forgotten city, sponsored by the Tattoo Emporium.

5. TLK is thankful for the USC Song Girls, the one last great thing left in college football - you won't see a tattoo on any of them.

6. Finally, TLK is thankful he is 64-52-3 on the year. Maybe I will get invited back next year - for free of course.

Last Week: 5-5 (TLK might get "5-5" tattooed on his neck)

Year: 64-52-3 (Wow, being asked to select 119 games is insane)

Bammer -9 @ Barn: One team's fans will be thankful the other team's fans are miserable for another year.

Johnny Football @ Mizzou -3: Tiger fans are thankful that the farthest team west in the $EC can win the $EC East.

ArKansas +25.5 @ LSUAMC: Fans in Red Stick are thankful they have one more week to complain about TLK.

UGa -3 @ UGa Tech: Dawg fans are thankful Mark Richt has led them to another second-tier bowl game in a second-tier town.

Wake Island @ Vandy -14: Vandy fan is thankful for another winning season, but is beginning to feel guilty for neglecting the basketball team.

Tennessee @ Kentucky +4: Mike $live is thankful these two teams' seasons are over. They have given the $EC and bourbon a bad name.

Clemson @ SoCar -4.5: Gamecock fans are thankful for the clang sound of a missed field goal in OT.

Notre Dame @ Stanford -14: Tree fans are thankful Oregon always finds a way to implode late in the season.

Oregon State @ Oregon -21: Duck fans pretend to be thankful that they will be flying to El Paso on Christmas Day.

Baylor -12.5 @ TCU: Baylor fans are thankful people might forget about last week.

FSU @ Florida: No Line! Seriously, who loses a game giving up ZERO yards passing?

Mississippi @ Ole' Miss State: No Line

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