Ky. author's book offers insights into how men think

By Maureen Kyle

(LOUISVILLE) -- Commitment-phobic and only focused on looks -- that's the way most men are stereotyped. But ladies, everything you thought a man was looking for in a woman could be wrong. WAVE 3's Maureen Kyle talked with a Lexington author who did five years of research to find out what's inside the mind of the American male.

There's no doubt men are physical beings. Being physically attracted to a woman usually only takes a glance.

"I'd have to say, first thing is a good smile," says John Toland, as he describes what he looks for in a woman.

"Gorgeous -- if she's gorgeous," says Andrew Baisch.

But what makes a guy attached? Well, believe it or not, look between the biceps.

"It's that men are much more complex than we give them credit for," says Lexington author Neil Chethik. It's just that you've got to dig in there a little bit."

Digging inside the male mind is exactly what Chethik did for five years while researching his book, VoiceMale.

Chethik says he thinks "there are two types of guys: one who is looking for a short-term, maybe looking for a sexual encounter, that might be done tonight, tomorrow, the next day. And then the men who have been there, done that, or haven't been there and never wanted to do that and are now looking for a relationship with somebody else."

As part of his research, Chethik interviewed 360 men from across the country and across different ethnicities, and socio-economic backgrounds.

And he found just about every man listed the same qualities they look for in a woman. "One was self-confidence," says Chethik. "Men really like a woman who feels good about herself. She doesn't have to be a '10.' He's probably not a '10.' She doesn't have to be the most brilliant person in the world, she doesn't have to be the funniest person in the world. But she just has to know what it is about her that makes her attractive."

The men we interviewed agreed. "A sense of humor is really important to me," says Toland.

"She's gotta be funny," agrees Baisch.

"A sense of humor is very important to men," says Chethik. "They like to make people laugh. But they want it to be genuine, they don't want her to be forcing the laughter."

So once you get past the initial attraction, how do you get that guy to commit?

"Just commitment, in general, scares a lot of guys," Mandy Simpson says out of frustration.

According to Chethik, there's no trickery needed. Just a lot of patience. "Most men want to be in relationships," he says.

Toland is the perfect example. "I'm not engaged, no. I'm dating. I'd have to say a few years now."

Toland said he was comfortable in his relationship. But when we asked if he would be taking his relationship to the next level, it made him sweat more than his workout.

Asked if he would be engaged soon, Toland replied: "Now you're putting me under the gun. We're going to have to see. We're going to have to see about that."

"Men don't like to fail," says Chethik, "It's not that they are afraid of commitment, they're probably as afraid as women are, but they are slow to commit because once they do commit, they stay committed."

Toland's next response backed up Chethik's theory. "I want to really work on having a solid relationship, and make sure things are secure."

It takes a little time and conditioning, but Chethik assures us that endurance is one of men's strengths.

"They definitely like to be married," Chethik says. "They definitely like to have a home, a home base, someone they can count on, a friend who is theirs forever."

Chethik found that men are more likely to stay committed once they are married -- two-thirds of divorces are actually initiated by women.

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Online Reporter: Maureen Kyle

Online Producer: Michael Dever